IR #068

In a shocking revelation today before parliament session, Congress MP Jyotiraditya Scindia has stated that Afzal Guru was not actually hanged in 2013. Following former finance minister P Chidambaram’s statement that there were doubts over Afzal Guru’s involvement in the terrorist attacks, the close confidante of Rahul Gandhi said that Afzal Guru was rebranded as Arvind Kejriwal after the latter started gaining popularity among the masses.

“We had doubts on how the hanging would affect our vote bank,” said Scindia, “So we decided to play the ultimate political gamble and fake the execution. Unfortunately the execution could not give us a positive result in the following elections. But now seeing the support among the youth of India for Afzal Guru and with state elections around the corner, it is high time we made this public.”

Rahul Gandhi, who was also present at the press conference said, “I did lots of research on Indian psychology by watching Bollywood movies and came to the brilliant conclusion that Indians are incapable of seeing through a disguise. So we came up with the idea of this cover up and it has worked wonders. The present government will now not be able to promote their nationalistic slogans after this.”

Scindia continued, “We initially felt that our plan would backfire for a few reasons. People were claiming that Arvind Kejriwal is a Congress stooge. We felt that at this stage the truth would come out but we were able to overcome this hurdle. It was a great risk we took and it has paid off wonderfully. Another stage we felt that the game would be up was when Arvind Kejriwal/Afzal Guru started demanding more powers for Delhi and full statehood. We thought that these demands were very similar to his separatist demands for Kashmir but due to blessings of Soniaji, Sibal uncle and Rahul Baba, the deception was not caught.”

When asked how they actually pulled this off, Rahul Gandhi was quick to respond. “The moment we saw the similarity between the two, we decided that the perfect time would be after Kejriwal discloses his true intents. Arvind made his political ambitions clear in November 2012 and we decided that it was time to put our plan in action. We switched the two before the 2013 Delhi elections and the rest is history.”

This statement from the two youth leaders of the Congress can finally explain the high number of U Turns by the Kejriwal government, the complete absolution of all corruption charges on Sheila Dixit and many other scenarios that have emerged in the past year. Scindia and Gandhi both refused to answer what happened to the real Arvind Kejriwal and started to beat a hasty exit.

As they were leaving the press conference, Rahul Gandhi was overheard saying, “I told you mixing Don and Face Off would be a success…”

This article was originally published on Faking News